You Don't Like Vegetables. No One Does. That's Ok.

A plate of broccoli being pushed away.

Let’s be real. You don’t love vegetables. No one does. Kids are honest enough to tell the truth about it, but everyone else pretends for some bizarre social reason and they may even lie to themselves because they think plants are good for them. So they drown these plants in seed oil laden dressings or other carcinogenic, inflammatory junk to hide the nasty taste. But… what if we told you the reason that these plants taste terrible is that your taste buds are telling you to spit out the poison and opt for foods that aren’t trying to kill you?

Wait. What? Plants are trying to kill us? 

Yes.

True story. In fact, most plants will kill most animals. Some animals have become highly specialized to eat certain plants, but that’s the exception and not the rule. Koalas can eat eucalyptus leaves, but nearly every other plant on earth would kill them if they ingested them. Cows and other ruminants can eat grass because they have 4 stomachs and they still have to chew their own vomit. Apes can eat the leaves and branches of certain plants, but they have to eat their own feces to properly digest their food. So what about people?

You don’t have 4 stomachs. You probably aren’t interested in eating your own poop, which tastes arguably worse than the vegetables you pretend to like. So should you be eating plants? Probably not. To be fair, we have adapted to eating certain plants over time. We can eat most fruit without major consequences and can tolerate certain vegetables in small quantities with minimal short term consequences, but long term? Let’s take a look.

Cancer:

If you peruse the produce section of most grocery stores, you’d be blown away by what lurks behind the scenes. Nearly ALL of the vegetables contain carcinogens. According to Dr. Anthony Chaffee, the minimum number of carcinogens in the vegetables found in grocery stores is 60. Brussels sprouts have 136 known carcinogens. That’s more than twice as many as cigarettes. Then there’s the garbage in boxes on the shelves that have canola and corn oils. These rancid oils are carcinogenic, too, and people consume unnaturally high amounts of them. The average American, for example, consumes around 20 ears of corn worth of corn oil EVERY DAY. Cooking with it is known to cause lung cancer. Corn has no redeeming qualities. Just look at your poop to see how your body doesn’t even know how to break it down. The point is, long term, these things are as bad as smoking. 

Antinutrients:

If the incidence of cancer doesn’t scare you enough, plants cause all sorts of other issues. Most plants have what are called antinutrients. Phytates, oxalates, and goitrogens are all in plants and they serve to inhibit the absorption of the nutrients in the plants themselves as well as other foods you consume. Let’s look at iron as an example. If you eat an oyster by itself, nearly all of the iron is bioavailable and absorbed by the body if needed. If you eat that oyster with black beans, that bioavailabilty drops to 50%. Worse, if you eat that oyster with a corn tortilla, you will absorb exactly zero iron from the oyster. This isn’t unique to iron. These antinutrients inhibit the absorption of all sorts of nutrients in the food you consume.

Linoleic acid:

Despite the USDA pretending that linoleic acid is heart healthy in order to sell you on eating vegetable oils because they screwed up and subsidized the growing of far too much corn and didn’t know what else they could do with all the excess, linoleic acid is dangerous. Short term, linoleic acid is an endocrine disruptor that wreaks havoc on your liver, pancreas, and even your skin, resulting in acne, eczema, psoriasis, etc. Long term, it causes skin cancer, pancreatic cancer, and all sorts of autoimmune issues that wouldn’t present without the linoleic acid in the food you eat.

They’re not even good for you anyway:

Let’s pretend for a second that vegetables didn’t do all the awful things mentioned above. They’re still not good for you. They’re not nearly as nutrient dense as animals. They have no DHA, K2, D3, B12, heme iron, creatine, choline, carnosine,and carnitine, and they have very little of anything else. Even if you could absorb the nutrients that are in plants, you’d have to eat a veritable buttload in order to see any benefit. There are no nutrients that your body requires that are found in plants that aren’t far more abundant and bioavailable in animal products, without all the consequences. 

So you have our permission to stop eating your veggies. 

Why eat vegetables when you can eat testicles

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